Judging vs. understanding

Angie Flynn-McIver

Angie Flynn-McIver

For several years, I sent out a blog to readers a few times a week. These posts gave pointers about how to practice, shared relevant stories, and provided a way for people to connect with my coaching approach. In 2022, I wrote my book, Before You Say Anything, which brought many of these ideas together in one place. The blog posts have continued to resonate with clients and readers, and they're useful as a quick reminder, so I'm including them here!

“I judge them all the time, yet I don’t understand them.”


Someone I was talking to recently said this, and the sentence really leapt out at me. There’s a lot here, and it’s so intensely human. At last I hope it is — I’m definitely guilty of it myself.


I wonder if a more revealing way to look at the same sentiment is this:
“I don’t understand them, so I judge them all the time.”


Being judgmental is a failure of empathy and of curiosity. What can we ask or imagine that will bring us closer to compassion than to condemnation?