The Blog / Archive

When you’re in the audience, how do you want to feel? Encouraged Motivated Seen Welcomed That your time is being valued Entertained Inspired Engaged That you’re in good hands Connected Convinced When you’re the one speaking to the audience, remember this.  I’m taking a sabbatical from writing new blog posts. You’ll be seeing some re-runs and old favorites for the next little while. You can always write me back with suggestions or ideas just by responding to this email!

When I was in my early 20s and living in New York, I made extra money by working as a reader for the Young Playwrights Project. This nonprofit taught playwriting in middle and high schools, and they needed lots and lots of people to read the plays and provide feedback to these budding artists.  Some of the plays were great. It was hard to believe that they were by new writers—they were really imaginative and interesting.  Lots more of the plays, though, were more typical of what you might think of when I say “a 10-page play by a 14-year-old.” … Read more

I had a great conversation recently with someone who is doing some communication skills coaching, and is interested in doing more. This was a get-to-know-you chat on both sides, with the unspoken understanding that I may be able to hire her at some point in the future.  I asked her to tell me a bit about how she got into this work, and what she likes about it. I realized later that this question had the effect of making her feel like she was in the spotlight–or maybe the hot seat. She didn’t really seem nervous, but her vocal habits … Read more

I got to spend some time last week with a wonderful team of people doing incredibly cool work. We were talking about my favorite topic: intentional communication! This team has chosen to really engage with the idea of intention, and to work it into their culture. In fact, they begin meetings by asking what intentions people have. A great question arose in our conversation: “What do I do if I’ve prepared a deliberate intention, and someone else has an intention that is opposed to it?” I have never heard this question before. One aspect of the question that I love … Read more

About six months ago, one of my long-time clients left her corporate job to set out on her own as a freelancer. Now, every time my client talks to her mom, she gets this question: “How many hours are you working this week?” Mom-questions can have a way of getting under a person’s skin, and this one is no exception. It may seem like an innocent topic, but hearing the same question every day or so can be a drag, and as my client says, “It’s not interesting to talk about!” She has tried to steer her mother away from … Read more

Esse quam videri To be, rather than to seem This is North Carolina’s state motto, and I’ve always liked it. Realness and authenticity, rather than posturing. What’s at the heart, not on the surface. The motto speaks to trustworthiness and truth. I hope I won’t sound too grand when I say that this Latin epigraph also summarizes Ignite CSP’s approach to coaching communication skills. We focus first on intention, the “why,” because it is the engine of communicating, and it affects every aspect of how we come across to others. We work on what it means to be connected, be … Read more

My friend Rachel described a recent email she got this way: “The words were polite, but you could feel her rolling her eyes while she typed it.” I’ve received that email. Heck, I’ve probably written that email. Rachel was laughing as she described it, but we all know what it feels like to be on the receiving end of a slightly snippy communication.  Let’s look at an example sentence:  If you take the time to check the website, you’ll see that we process the applications in the order they are received. The intention comes through loud and clear, doesn’t it? … Read more

If you’re giving a presentation, answer this question: What will change for my audience as a result of what I’m going to say? How will their lives be different? If you can’t answer this, you need to go back to the drawing board. The presenter’s cardinal sin is to give a talk that is for them, instead of in service to the audience.

Helping our clients think about intention, or the outcome you hope to achieve with what you say, is key to our coaching work.  There are two perfect times to use intention. One: before you begin a high-stakes communication. This could be a speech, a negotiation, or a difficult conversation, anything where you might be nervous about the outcome. I spoke recently with a woman who was going to be interviewed by a reporter on an issue she’s passionate about. We talked about her intention, “to calmly state my case.”  She didn’t want to get too fired up, or to fall … Read more

A popular default intention is “to get it right” or ”to have all the answers.” Hang on, you might be thinking, what’s wrong with that? My job is to have the answers!  Ignite CSP senior coach Neela Munoz has some insight: