The Blog / Archive

In some important ways, all communication is the same.  We are always speaking in order to fulfill a need. The need might be small and transactional: “Please pass the salt.” It might be life-changing: “Will you marry me?” And of course, most of what we say in our lives falls somewhere in the middle of the spectrum. We have a need, and we choose words, vocal tone, body language, and many other tools to convey the need to a listener. Most of the time, we don’t think too much about it. But let’s be honest. For many of us, speaking … Read more

We are creatures of habit. For the most part, this is a good thing. Habit lets us avoid having to make a million tiny decisions every day, like the route you drive to work or in what sequence you wash your hair, face, and body in the shower. But some of our habits don’t serve us well, and those are equally engrained. Maybe we continue to order the same lunch every day, even after we learn that our cholesterol is high and we’re pre-diabetic. Maybe we keep nagging our teenager to clean their room, even though the nagging doesn’t work … Read more

There is a common misperception about public speaking. People think that if they feel comfortable, they’re good speakers. In fact, I’ve had people tell me, “That’s great that you coach people to be better speakers, but I always feel comfortable in front of an audience!” What I want to ask them is: “Okay, and how does your audience feel?” Just to be clear: the work we do in coaching speakers is ultimately on behalf of the audience.  That’s right. We coach speakers to be their best so that audiences can have an elite experience; so they can be inspired, changed, … Read more

My daughter Nora recently shared a situation she experienced with a committee she serves on at her university. The leadership of this committee needed to make a decision that would substantially affect the whole organization, and a heated debate ensued. As she described it, there were two sides to the issue, and each side was trying to enlist support for its stance.  Nora said, “And this guy arguing the other side just really seemed like he wanted to win. But winning would mean all of these people couldn’t participate in what we do.” As an outside observer, there were far … Read more

A lot of conventional wisdom about public speaking advises the speaker to “know their audience.” That’s fine advice as far as it goes, but in practice, it’s hard to implement. Audiences are big, varied, and want different things. How can one speaker know them all? Instead of trying to know your audience, I suggest the following: Be interesting to your audience. And because that’s also easier said than done, think about these steps to do it: One thing we know for sure about audiences is that they do not want to be bored. So let your goal be, at minimum, … Read more

100% of my clients come to me in order to become better talkers. The particular focus varies–keynote speech, clearer presentations, better storytelling—but what they all have in common is that they want to change something about the way they talk. The longer I do this work, the more I think that there needs to be a way to supplement the coaching on talking with coaching on listening. Not for my clients: I already work with them on that. For the people around my clients. For, I guess, everybody. Nearly every client conversation I have reminds me of this need. The … Read more

The way we speak is at the heart of our identity. Our words and delivery style are unique to us, and at the same time they (literally) tell others who we are, where we come from, and what’s important to us.  When you think about it that way, it’s no wonder that most of us struggle to change the most fundamental ways that we speak: the pace, the volume, the cadence, the accent. It becomes even tougher when, in addition to being these markers of identity, our communication habit protects us from feeling vulnerable. I was thinking about this recently … Read more

I am a huge fan of Priya Parker and her book, “The Art of Gathering.” If the word “gathering” makes you think of something lofty and unusual, and maybe not applicable to you, I urge you to reconsider! Parker is using the word in its most expansive sense, both as a noun and as a verb, as in “gathering together.” A gathering can include everything from a simple neighborhood potluck to a meeting of the United Nations.  The book gives concrete guidance to anyone bringing people together, people who are hosts. Her latest newsletter, though, focuses on what it means … Read more