The Blog / Archive

The farther along you go in your career, the less feedback you get. This makes sense: who wants to give the big boss notes on their performance? But this dynamic makes it even more essential to seek out knowledgeable coaching and guidance for yourself.  We all have areas of our own performance that we don’t know how to adjust, are invisible to us, or we don’t know aren’t effective. I have a terrific and experienced colleague, a great presenter, who has developed an “um” habit over the last few years. I would bet anything that she has no idea she’s … Read more

Today is Damn Glad to Be Alive Day! A little backstory: On February 6, 1995, I was working as a production resident for Playwrights Horizons, an off-Broadway theatre company in New York City. We were in technical rehearsals for a new musical called “Jack’s Holiday,” (about Jack the Ripper—don’t ask), and the master electrician asked if I would run out and get her some lunch.  A few minutes later, as I was standing in the crosswalk on 42nd Street at 9th Avenue on my way to get her lunch, a tall truck turned in front of me. Its back door, … Read more

When you’re the leader, it’s like there’s a spotlight that follows you everywhere. There’s a subtle yet unmistakable extra focus on what you do and what you say. It’s important to acknowledge the reality of that spotlight. Whether you asked for it, you welcome it, or you dislike it, it’s there. It is disingenuous to behave as though your influence and attention have exactly the same impact as everyone else’s. People notice who you have lunch with, what organizational initiatives you care about, and how you speak about what is going on. The spotlight shows it all. That spotlight is … Read more

In this season of plans and resolutions, it’s enticing to think big. Run a marathon! Write a novel! Clean out and transform the whole house! These are all great goals, but for most people I know, it’s tough to figure out what to do once you’ve decided on a plan. It’s so tough, in fact, that lots of these lofty goals die on the vine. My plan for this year is this: Just do the next thing.  Run for twenty minutes.  Write three hundred words.  Tackle a junk drawer.  Just do the next thing. And if you don’t have a … Read more

Years ago when I first lived in New York, a beloved older friend counseled me, “The winters are tough here, and it’s windy. Walk on the sunny side of the street.” It’s great practical advice, of course. But I think it’s pretty good metaphorical advice, too. Miss you, SK.

“The way you listen to me is not my fault.”  This gem comes to you courtesy of my husband, Charlie. We were chatting recently as we both got ready for the day, and as sometimes happens, my mouth got way ahead of my ears. I had asked him several questions, then barreled on, not really taking in his answers. I was tuned into my own thoughts and agenda, while still theoretically talking and listening, and I repeated a question Charlie had already answered.  As a result, his mild-mannered comment: “The way you listen to me is not my fault.” Wow. That … Read more

A few months ago when I was facilitating a workshop, a woman in the group came up with a great term I hadn’t heard before. Micro-boundaries. We had been discussing the importance of having boundaries in our work life, of being able to assert things like how many hours we work in a week, or how available we are outside of work hours. But this was a new twist on the theme. A micro-boundary, as she explained it, was an internal check we provide for ourselves. It’s how we decide whether to respond to that late-night email, to volunteer for … Read more

Simon Sinek, speaker and author, says: An excessive drive for order interrupts the beautiful chaos needed for creativity to thrive. This quote gets at the heart of a specific dynamic I have been noticing and wrestling with lately. In any organization, you need the “order” people and the “creativity” people. (Let me acknowledge right here that I know I’m painting with a broad brush, and there is certainly crossover.) The “order” people make things happen. They are thinking about logistics, they are in the details. They are the implementers and executors. The “creativity” people come up with the ideas; they’re … Read more

I really like to be right. Anyone who knows me can probably attest to that. This particular characteristic comes from several places: the top two contributors are genetics (hi Mom!), and fear.  Yeah, fear. I try to do all the research, see all the signs, and then weigh in because then I’m less likely to be wrong. If I covered all the bases, I’m probably right, right? Maybe.  But the real problem arises when there’s more than one “right.” When right isn’t objective, but subjective. When for me to be right, someone else loses. When this happens, my unearned certainty … Read more

I’ve written about this topic before, but I’ve been thinking about it lately in a new way.  My kids can tell you the three things I hope I have really instilled in them as their mother, three lessons that will serve them throughout their lives. Here they are: 1) Never get a haircut you can’t take care of,  2) Don’t do opioids, not even once, and  3) You’re not special. It’s that last one that I’ve been thinking about lately. Before I go on, let me be crystal clear that I want my kids to know that they are very … Read more