The Blog / Archive

For several years, I sent out a blog to readers a few times a week. These posts gave pointers about how to practice, shared relevant stories, and provided a way for people to connect with my coaching approach.

In 2022, I wrote my book, Before You Say Anything, which brought many of these ideas together in one place. The blog posts have continued to resonate with clients and readers, and they're useful as a quick reminder, so I'm including them here!

Zoom vs In-Person: The Science is In

Research has just come out that tracks neural activity between people interacting on Zoom and compares it to activity between people interacting in person. The results are definitely in line with what I, and lots of people I’ve talked to, have experienced in our virtual environment. The lead researcher, Yale neuroscientist Joy Hirsch, said, “Zoom appears to be an impoverished social communication system relative to in-person conditions.” Essentially, our brains don’t react or process inputs the same way when we’re connecting through a screen. One element of the research was particularly interesting to me: when people communicated in person, there … Read more

Who Gets to Decide How We Communicate?

I had a really interesting conversation recently about how hard it can be to communicate asynchronously, through email, Slack, or text. This person pointed out that in his work environment, he felt like he might be one of the only people who really felt like he needed the nonverbal cues we get from in-person communication. He would have to, he said, “learn to rely less on his strengths in communication and figure out how to be more text-based.” I can’t tell you how sad, and concerned, this makes me. Figuring out how to be more agile and flexible communicators in … Read more

Managing Your Second Monitor

If you’re like many people, you’ve got a work set-up on your desk that rivals a space shuttle launch. Laptops, keyboards, trackpads, second and third screens all vie for space and for your attention. Quick tip: if your videoconference opens on a screen other than the one where your camera is, you need to move it. It’s unnerving to be on a call with someone who is looking away from the camera all the time, even if you know they’re “looking at you” on their other screen. Eye contact is impossible to replicate on video calls, so it’s important that … Read more

A Short Play About A Hybrid Event

Scene: A video conference screen. This is a meeting of the interdepartmental committee that is planning the long-standing annual industry conference. For the last two years, the conference was held virtually, to declining registration and attendance. Committee Chair: “Let’s have the next conference in person! I think it’s time, and we can’t afford to lose more participation.” Another Committee Member: “Okay, that sounds good. But wait, some people won’t be ready to come to something in person.” Everyone: “Hmmmm.” Third Committee Member: “Well, I don’t think that’s such a big deal. We’ll stream it. It’s amazing what we can do with technology these days!” … Read more

Autumn is a New Beginning; or,Three Things I Should Have Been Doing Already

I’ve been writing, thinking, and leading workshops about virtual communication for almost two years. In that time, I have been remarkably hit-or-miss in instituting some of my ideas with my own team. My explanations for this include some that our clients use: our team has worked together for a long time, we’re friends, we have a great shorthand together. And I have another explanation that’s specific to us: we think about this all the time, so we’re already doing it “the right way” from our experience and we don’t have to spell it out. These are all excuses. Every team … Read more

What’s Different When We’re There in Person?

I attended a funeral last week. The woman who passed away was a family friend, someone important to me. The funeral was held in the city where I grew up, about two and half hours away. The funeral was held in person as well as streamed on the church’s Facebook page. I had two choices: I could watch the funeral online, or I could take the day off in order to attend in person. I chose to go in person. Here’s why. An event like this isn’t just the words that are said and the songs that are sung. It … Read more

Hybrid Events (or, The Worst of Both Worlds)

One of my clients was recently asked to put together several events for her organization’s executive team. “We’ll have people in person!” they said. “Oh, and we’ll stream it!” they said. “It’ll be a hybrid. People can attend however they like!” In theory, this seems like a win-win. Anyone who would like to attend in person can, and people who would rather tune in remotely can do that as well. What’s the problem? I predict that we’ll be seeing many conferences, meetings, celebrations, and even live shows that go this route, and it can work. But before we embrace this … Read more