The Blog / Archive

Lately I’ve noticed a refrain from many friends and clients. They’re telling me about a situation with their boss, or colleague, or their kid’s teacher, or their partner. In the middle of explaining the situation, they pause and say: “which is fine, it’s fine.” Hang on. Is it fine? It doesn’t sound like it’s fine. It sounds like there’s a dynamic that is making you feel devalued, or not heard, or overlooked, or concerned. It sounds like you can’t assert your stance about what’s going on, so instead you tell yourself that it’s fine, it’s all fine. What happens when … Read more

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but… It doesn’t matter how hard you work on a thing. If I play basketball against my son, any basket I make is going to count the same as any basket he makes, even though I’ll have to work much harder to score. If I build my own website and it doesn’t work well, no one is going to take into account all the hours I put into it when they’re frustrated by clunky dropdown menus.  There are times when effort matters for its own sake, but professionals don’t talk about how … Read more

For most of my life, I was indifferent to/snobby about sports. “It’s just a game,” I sniffed. I didn’t get it: the stats, the fandoms, the lingo. What was the point? Why were grown people so riled up? Then, about seven years ago, I started to get it. Suddenly and unpredictably, I started to care—a lot. I read the stats, I learned the lingo, I became a true (Carolina!) blue fan. I’m writing about this today because there are lots of people out there who are just like I was, feeling a little superior about not being sports fans. And look, … Read more

People respond differently to the pressure of a time crunch.  Some barely seem to notice, and don’t change the plan at all. Some start a race with the clock, losing focus entirely in their rush. Some alter the plan to meet the goals in the time they have available. How are you likely to respond when time is tight? Is it easy for you to stay focused on the main goal, or does a time crunch stress you out?

Lately I am finding myself in the middle of competing commitments. I have committed to directing a play, Jeeves Intervenes, that opens on February 5.  I have committed to the William C. Friday Fellowship for Human Relations, a two-year journey in which the fifth seminar takes place this week. I have committed to an engagement to speak for the Leadership for Equity series  next month. Like all of us, I have family and work commitments as well that don’t vanish just because I said “yes” to a lot of things that are happening all at the same time. Oh, and … Read more

When I was in college, I took a lot of sociology classes. In one, I remember the professor sharing the (possibly apocryphal) story of a woman and her daughter who come to her mother’s house for dinner.  All three generations are cooking together, preparing a pot roast for the meal. The youngest watches her mother take the pot roast out of the refrigerator, season the meat, then cut the end off of it and put the small piece aside. She asks, “Mom, I have seen you do that so many times, and I’m curious. Why do you cut the end … Read more

Last fall, I went to a play. This was the first time since March of 2020 (or maybe a little earlier) that I’d been to a live play in a theatre—very exciting! Before the lights dimmed and the actors took their places, the artistic director of the company gave a short curtain speech. As is usual in these remarks, he thanked everyone for coming. And then he said, “I am more than usually grateful to you for being here, in these seats, in this place. Our art form only really happens this way—all together in the same room. And of … Read more

This blog post will generate lots of responses. They will almost all be automated emails from subscribers that let me know the recipient is out of the office for some time over the holiday season.  When I first entered the workforce, there was email, but there were few cellphones, no smartphones, and you didn’t assume that people had home computers they might use for work purposes. All of this meant that there were built-in limits to when you might expect to hear from people; there was no such thing as an after-hours email or text that you felt you simply … Read more

Every year about this time, I realize I’m not really in the market for presents any more. I’m fortunate enough to be able to purchase all the stuff I need and lot of what I want, so I’m not turning to a wish list to fill out those items. What I long for more and more as the time goes on, though, is presence. I want to be with my husband and my kids. I want to spend quality time with my parents. I want to hang out with my sister and her family. I want to make sure I … Read more