When Your Default Intention Becomes Your Personality

Angie Flynn-McIver

Angie Flynn-McIver

For several years, I sent out a blog to readers a few times a week. These posts gave pointers about how to practice, shared relevant stories, and provided a way for people to connect with my coaching approach. In 2022, I wrote my book, Before You Say Anything, which brought many of these ideas together in one place. The blog posts have continued to resonate with clients and readers, and they're useful as a quick reminder, so I'm including them here!

We all have times when our default intention takes charge. 

Something happens, and that default intention kicks in. We need to defend ourselves, to prove we’re right, to prevent failure, to let them know they’re wrong, to hide, to make waves, to be heard…the list goes on.

But what happens when the fear-based, default reaction happens so often that it becomes just…the way you are?

Many of us cling tightly to our view of the world around us, limited as that view must necessarily be. Seeing other perspectives might make us feel vulnerable, inadequate, or ignorant—nobody likes to feel that way.

Ironically, though, the default intention that is protecting us from negative feelings is also keeping us from experiencing all the world has to offer. When we interact mostly from our fears, we shut out what’s possible: curiosity, generosity, serendipity, insight, connection, and growth.  

If you see a default intention becoming a plank in the platform of your personality, take a step back. Ask: is this mindset helping me in the world? Is it doing the work I hope it will? Or is it insulating me and keeping me from seeing opportunities?